So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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