3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My life is pants optional.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize