Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
