she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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