I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
