I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
