is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
