just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
