when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
