And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
