soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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