did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
