I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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