Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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