I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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