i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
