so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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