You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate all girls vehemently.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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