im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
