Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
