The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
