I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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