so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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