Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
