You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
