chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
