And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
