its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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