worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
