Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So squirting runs in the family.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize