I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My penis needs a shock collar
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize