It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
