just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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