Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
