So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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