There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
