with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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