so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
