I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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