We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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