Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize