Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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