when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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