Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
