stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
