i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
