He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think your dad took our porno
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
