I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
