Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
