I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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