I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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