just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
