Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
