There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
