I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
