alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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