hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
