Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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