The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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