she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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