I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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