I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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