Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
