I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize