The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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