don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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