Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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