I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
