I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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