Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize