So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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