I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
