i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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