the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
