There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
