I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize