So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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