How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
