sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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