I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
