We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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