Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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