jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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