i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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