I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
