when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
