we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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