He is an equal opportunity slut.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
