My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
