so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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