worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize