Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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