i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
