Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
