Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize