i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
