dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
