I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
