I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
