He uses pillows to masturbate.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
