dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
