The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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