ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize