if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
