Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
